We’ve only been split for three weeks, and have had minimal contact (me being the one to initiate everything). Where Guys Go Wrong With an Ex Who Wants Nothing to Do With Them. Once she started threatening my life and harassing me at work, my boss (an ex-cop himself) called the police and I cut contact with her. I'm not sure if you want to hear this, but maybe what I have to say will help. My ex (M 27) and I (F 30) are close friends that have been on and off for 3 years. She said “I’m busy. That’s it. Best solution is to take it day by day and look forward to what's coming next. As a result, they end up making mistakes that turn her off even more and lose their chance of getting her back. Do this at least for a little while. The old flame will never die out and the wound will keep reopening the longer you stay in contact. So, a bit of a back story. I don’t want to get into much detail, but the stress got to him and he wanted to take a break from our relationship to focus on school. You gotta talk about what topics are okay to bring up and what aren’t, et cetera. Cut off contact . thanks, this was so relatable and good advice. Dude sounds exhausting, is it possible he just wants you to be there for the occasional hookup but isn't really interested in a legitimate friendship? I made the mistake to start an affair with a guy I know from my childhood he was married and after his divorce we became friends and had an affair for more than 6 or 7 months. 16. I'm at the point where I really don't think I could care less if he fell off of the face of the earth, and I know this may sound very harsh, but our 1 year and 9 month long relationship ended in disaster and he hurt me a great deal. We ended on good terms (as good as they can be, given the situation). I just don’t know how it’s so easy for him to not contact me. I was also the dumpee but I said I would make the first contact which I did after almost 2 weeks NC...I will be honest and say that getting into contact again might not be the best decision as I keep getting false hope that he may want to reconcile and when he doesn't it hurts so bad. That hurt. We’ve been through a lot together both as friends and as SOs, so I am really torn. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Press J to jump to the feed. From there, there's a friendship that develops. To know exactly how your ex still feels about you then continue reading below: 1. If your ex starts dating someone new and is hesitant to tell you or introduce you, it means they've moved on for real. I’ll check that out. There's this thing some dudes do when they want to get back at their ex. I do have some self esteem issues so stuff like breakups make me feel even worse about myself, and sort of “what’s the point?” Which is totally backwards thinking. At the moment, I want nothing to do with my ex. If you get angry because he is angry, this could make things turn sour, quickly. Then last weekend I contacted her on whatsapp to see how she was doing. And the best way to heal, in my opinion, is to cut anything that would trigger memories of him, and that would include talking to him. Do you usually end up speaking to your ex again on normal terms, or is it better to just cut all ties and move on? Take some time to let yourself mourn sometimes (cry, overthink stuff, write down your reflections and thoughts) and also take time to distract yourself constructively (“constructively” meaning fun activities with friends/hobbies/productivity rather than destructive outlets or rushing into anything new romantically). Why? I appreciate his honesty in all this and I know I made some stupid moves and know 100% now that this is not the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, but he is still one of close friends and I still want to be able to talk to him and hang out as friends. I think having those first weeks (or months, or whatever the couple needs) of no contact are very vital for both parties to move on. It helped me out, when I was hurting. I'm a firm believer that everything done while on the alcohol is exactly what a person would do if … The ex girlfriend says she hates me and wants nothing to do with me? Facebook. Given that you’re here reading this article, you are probably still attached to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in one way or another and still hope that your ex will eventually decide to come back to you. We started dating in 2017. Fast forward to when he graduated 3 months later, he told me that he didn’t want to get back together, but wanted to remain friends. He was the dumper and I am the dumpee. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I need to heal before I can talk to her normally again. “Ex Girlfriend Wants Nothing to do With Me and Treats Me Badly” I hadn’t contacted my ex for a month, but two weeks ago she texted me to wish me happy birthday. You yourself said that no contact will benefit you. I have identified 9 behaviors that can happen post breakup which can give you some insight into his mindset. He sort of said the same thing to me, that we don’t know what the future holds and who knows maybe we will end up back together, but he made it very clear to me that right now he wants to be alone. What can I do to weigh out my pros and cons more effectively to reach a final decision on what I want/should to do? Not sure if that’s a comforting thought or not, but maybe someday some form of friendship or at least some low-level contact might happen. Just keep going and eventually, a few months down the road, you'll begin to recover. And generally, what happens after this friendship is formed? and we broke up about 3 months we had a good relationship yes we did fight and argue but we’d always get through it without a doubt. When my ex broke up with me we tried staying friends. Time is really the only other thing that will make you feel better. Anyone would want the pain of that to stop. He was in one of those accelerated programs so he was working if he wasn’t in class. I definitely need some help with healing as I’m hurting a lot right now. Believe me, you may have to 'fake it till you make it' at the start, but now I''m quite possibly the happiest I've ever been in my life. The point is talking to an ex is possible, but a few things have to happen. [Read: 16 clear signs your ex still wants you back in their life] #15 They do things that you wanted to do. My husband and I married 22 years ago when we were both 19 years old and we have 2 daughters from our marriage and they are 18 and 16 years old.. It was short and neat. Unfortunately I have a feeling he will ghost me and never speak to me again. It just hurts. It hurts to be in a breakup (as I’m sure you know). Need help with your relationship? That was something I struggled with, with my ex, and because at the time I never felt I had someone to vent to I held on to a lot of pain, and eventually that pain came out while we tried talking, and I said things I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy. We want them to grovel. I'm just not taking this breakup well, I'm finding it hard to go from speaking to someone everyday and seeing them frequently to all of a sudden... nothing. 15 Biggest Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Want You Back ; If a Man Behaves Like That, He Defin­itely Likes You. I wanted him back. Consider this somewhat of a blessing on your new path in life. I don’t know what the future holds or if he’ll ever talk to me again, it’s just tough because I didn’t want it to end, I wanted to try to work things out. That’s the thing with relationships, once they’re formed, you start to develop a history, and that history never goes away, but you have to find a way to put it aside. I was really sad but was supportive of his decision. My suggestion based on personal experience and years of observation is you'll need 6-9 months to get past this. And I can distinctly remember walking away from the last such event with the thought, "She has no idea that this is the last time we will ever see or speak to each other.". But that doesn't matter right now. Its easier (long run) to let them go now and realize that your future is going to be a lot different then you probably had planned, and thats alright. Twitter. So trust me when I say DO NOT tell them you miss them, you love them, or you want them to come back to you. Mind you that I have never been the type to give second chances, but this one felt different to me, so after a lot of questions and making sure he was serious, we decided to give it another chance. My ex and I had been together just a couple weeks shy of 7 months when we had our split, me being the dumpee. On the other, there is an element of wanting to punish our ex for dumping us. Which is maybe a reality I need to accept and move on with. Whats the point of staying in contact with someone who no longer sees you as someone worthy to commit too. We met in 2016 and became really close friends right off the bat. Focus on doing things that make you and the kids happy. I definitely feel like I’m going to have to be the one to initiate contact if I want to hear anything from him. Xper 4. I could be wrong, maybe he just hides his feelings better but I am so anxious holding back texting him because I miss him already :(. That’s why I’m wondering if maybe I should just leave it be and move on. my ex tells me he doesnt want to get back together but he tries to talk to me often and gets upset because he thinks i dont want to talk to him. He wants me to live life to the fullest. If you need a friend, I’m here to listen. We were very much in love. And so I actually cut contact with her for a few months to try and get my shit together. I know I need time apart from him with no contact because I need to get over him, but the thought of absolutely never speaking to him again makes me sick to my stomach. In my situation, it was best to cut contact so I could heal. At the moment, I want nothing to do with my ex. I asked her if she doesn’t even It just sucks because I still wanted us to try to be together, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be :(. Women who wind up in situations like this have typically wronged their ex in horrific ways. It’s hard but as the days go on, I feel better. Though they may not want to look awkward around you, … Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Hearing a woman say, “You have no chance with me anymore.It’s really over between us, so please just move on,” can easily make a guy believe that getting her back is a lost cause and that her feelings will never, ever change. After officially calling things off, part of me wants to stay friends, the other part of me wants nothing to do with him anymore. It is unfortunate but it could be the truth. the person ever again. After we broke up, we continued to occasionally sleep together and do couple things (Yes, I know this was a bad idea). We tried for 2-3 months before he told me that he realized that he’s not as happy as he thought and that he wanted to focus on himself and focus on his work. You’re right, I should work on myself, it’s dumb I just feel like less of a person when I’m alone because I want someone to share my life with. I needed space. You take care”. I didn’t take the break too well but understood that this needed to happen. I'm at the point where I really don't think I could care less if he fell off of the face of the earth, and I know this may sound very harsh, but our 1 year and 9 month long relationship ended in disaster and he hurt me a great deal. There are many reasons why an ex may not respond to your first or even second contact. You sound just like me! So, if you know nothing about their love life, there’s a reason why. So find comfort in that. He indicated that he may text me again, but I have a feeling that we will end up never speaking again. We spent a lot of nights just talking to each other about our life and our struggles. He feels that we had our chance, that he doesn’t want the stress of having to tell his family about us again, etc. Do you usually end up speaking to your ex again on normal terms, or is it better to just cut all ties and move on? This is a pretty severe emotional shock, so you'll need some time to get over this. And maybe after you heal, you'll realize that you don't need to keep in contact. This was also his first relationship so there was a lot for him to still learn. He talked to me, and let me know that it was best for the both of us to cut communtications. She was extremely verbally abusive toward me growing up. Hang in there. I was heart broken and spent about a year before I felt like I was ready to be friends again. How Do Guys Express Their Love. I was dating other people, and we are hanging out together with no issues, everything was great. My question is, how do you deal with the realization that you may never speak to your ex again? By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. On one hand, we might miss our ex terribly and want another shot. I just thjnk it would be nice to have some friendly conversation in the future. I went to go see him on Christmas 2017 and he was doing okay. It doesn't have to happen that way, but it often does. I’m only a couple days in and I am feeling pretty terrible constantly, but I really hope it gets easier with time. If you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back, you’re just in the right place! It might be possible that your ex boyfriend wants nothing to do with you anymore which is why he is ignoring you. Then, life happened. So if you are looking for ways to figure out whether your ex still has feelings for you, drop on in … I don’t know how guys deal with breakups, but it always seems way too easy for them to move on quickly while I’m left wallowing in my own self pity. Its definitely a really hard pill to swallow. In many of my articles and in my book, I advice people trying to get their ex back not to give up on first contact. But only time will tell. I have a buddy whose wife actually cheated on him eight different times with eight different men. I was going through a tough period in my life and finally felt like there was someone I could talk to, who really understood me. he said he wants me to approach him and talk confidently and not feel negative about myself but when i try to go up to him it feels like he wants to walk away. Although it’ll take me awhile to get over him romantically, I wouldn’t mind getting to the point where we could have normal conversation. I’m not sure which half to choose. That hurt. Half of me wants to still be friends because of everything we have gone through together, the other half doesn’t want anything to do with him because I feel heartbroken. It’s officially over and half of me wants to be friends, the other half does not. 0 0. But of course, I redeveloped feelings for him, which I told him about. It wasn't just a drunken night. Let your ex see how happy you are without them. We can't predict the future, and maybe one day you two will talk again or come back together again. Your ex wants you to know that he or she has moved on, but if they're trying to rub it in your face, it's probably because he or she misses you and cares about you more than they do their new relationship. It didn’t work. When people lose their individuality, become codependent, and stop taking care of themselves and the things they love to do… I’ve messaged him a couple times since, this last time leaving the ball in his court. I had another ex in the past assure me that he’d see me again and would text, but he ended up ghosting me. Fast forward to last July (2020), everything had been going fine up until this point. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these behaviors, but they can lead to a lot of confusion and further heartbreak. I had another ex in the past assure me that he’d see me again and would text, but he ended up ghosting me. It was great. I understood what he was going through, but the change hit me hard and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I'm just over a few months post break up and all I can say is this: You may feel like not talking to him is a crappy feeling, and it really is, but over time you may start to realize certain things here and there. You really never know about contact. C) lay down the law. kolo420. They may not have received your message. Yep, ex-boo wants you back. ... You want your ex to regret the decision they made and really feel your absence in their life. He is the reason you two are not together. If your ex is distant maybe it’s because he needs time to put things into perspective in terms of your relationship and the breakup.. It’s not easy to fully analyze the situation or their mistakes and to come up with solutions to help them feel better when they talk to the person they spent so much time with every day. I felt like I had met the person I wanted to spend my life with. The vast majority is to cut all ties, move on, be a "new" you without their identity or history chasing your every move. There’s gotta be a set of ground rules each of you is willing to follow in order to make it so no one gets hurt. Girl ur 30 you need to find a provider to marry this is a bunch of bullshit plz tell him to fuck off, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. If you and your ex want to maintain a … But you also don’t want to shut them down completely. With that being said, some do reconcile, and if there are kids, house, etc involved or marriage, then some sort of "peace" is usually achieved for the sake of the former family unit. We wanted to test the waters first so we didn’t tell anyone yet. last summer I supported her through heart surgery. The other thing is, don’t forget to work on yourself. Signs Your Ex Still Loves You But Won’t Admit It. Live the life you've always wanted -- the one you may have put on the back-burner for your ex. Your ex is not only in denial, they are trying to void the break-up because they think you made a mistake ending the relationship, and want you also to … This pile of mixed feelings leads us to do some really odd things. Do things that keep you distracted. It is as clean a break as could be. Its so hard to realize you will never hug/kiss/text etc. That's when I ended things. He wants me to finish college, and do all of my personal goals in life to be happy. It’s like a wave, some days are good and some days are very, very bad. Press J to jump to the feed. At least he always tried his best to be clear and honest with how he was feeling. In terms of the most common route - in my experience, a few weeks of zero contact will go by, then one person will sort of check-in with the other. I hope you feel better soon. Thank you for this. r/exnocontact is a nice companion, and I suggest you take steps to go this "NC" / no contact route. Time is definitely the big one in these things. Which is a "bonus". I don't know if we'll ever talk again but I can't worry about that right now. Or maybe just leave the ball in his court? At that time, the raw emotions will have subsided, nostalgia will set in, and as long as a basis of trust still exists, you might be able to retain contact with him. He feels like my best friend and I would ideally like to keep in contact with him after we both get over the emotional bit. Before you guys say he’s not my friend because of what he did, it really was a complicated situation with a lot of various factors. No, you do not need to be friends. It's a two-way street right now as you negotiate a new "post-relationship" relationship. So my advice is to not worry about a "common route" and just focus on healing first. At the core of it, he is saying he no longer wants a relationship with you and there is nothing you can do to fix it. I’ve reconnected with exes after years of silence and had nice conversations looking back. For example: 3 common mistakes guys make are… 1. Maybe pick up a few new hobbies, or start a bucket list and slowly check things off. TL;DR: Was on and off with one of my close friends for 3 years. This is only my second official relationship I've had in my adult life, and the other one ended in no contact as well, however that one ended on bad terms. If it helps you, focus on the here and now. Him and I were only together 6 months but I still feel like he became my best friend in that time. Because I didn’t want the guy I still had feelings for to see I was taken. I guess I will try to not contact him and maybe leave the ball in his court.. A) the past has to stay in the past. It was so hard to say goodbye, knowing that was the last time I would see or hear from him again. This breakup is hard for me in terms of the no contact because I have a feeling he is going to want to never speak to me again. I could be dating a new guy, but I never make it public. What is the most common route here? more: The Top Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex So when you think about it, the harder your ex seems to be trying to move on, the more likely it is that he’s actually not over you – and that he actually has strong feelings for you. If your ex hints to the fact that they miss anything about you, they most likely want you back. When you’re distracted, you’re not thinking about them, and that’s important in the healing process. Hi. Same Body Gesture. Some guys don’t know how to handle an ex who is saying that she wants nothing to do with them. I'm a 23 y/o (f) dealing with a recent breakup that happened a couple of days ago. What to do when my ex wants me back: Coach’s tip When you get back together with an ex, one of the most important things you can do is never lose sight of yourself. Eventually, I tried to open communication again, and we talked for a few days, everything was going well but eventually it all went to shit when some things in our history came up. They go into competitive mode by unofficially racing with their ex to see … Try changing the subject to something more positive, and turn the conversation into something lighter, rather than an ugly confrontation. My last ex eventually reached out to me, but only to hook up.. not the type of contact I would want again. Body language can tell a lot of the signs your ex still loves you but won’t admit it. (It may be something friends talk about, but when you’re talking with an ex, it’s not okay.) 1. I consider myself to have some pretty good qualities so I get upset when I see friends and people I went to high school with my age already getting engaged/ married and here I am. I'm not sure if you want to hear this, but maybe what I have to say will help. This breakup is different, and although not entirely mutual we have ended on good terms and don't hate each other. When your ex says it’s not you, it’s me, he wants to make it clear that there is no need to try to “fix things,” because you simply can’t. Im sure by now you already know the answer, but heres further reinforcement, just incase. It could be just due to the fact guys are less emotional and deal with breakups in different ways, though. Cookies help us deliver our Services. hello, me and my ex were dating for a year and 5 months. “I had to do it with my mom. Knowing if your ex boyfriend cares for you still is not an easy thing to decipher. I know your feelings are hurt so it may be tempting to strike back at your ex in anger. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You gotta do what's best for you right now. That’s why I’m wondering if maybe I should just leave it be and move on. But then, after a trip with some of our friends, he tells me that he has been thinking about me a lot and wants to give us another chance. Follow. Fast forward to last week, he told me that he can’t see himself with me anymore, but when he’s next to me he still feels attracted to me. It was already established that he didn’t want a relationship at the moment, so it was clear where we stood. I had an ex about 10 years ago that ended the 7 year relationship and quite literally begged to stay friends. It hurts to think about your ex. That is comforting actually. Something lighter, rather than an ugly confrontation ( F 30 ) are close friends for 3 years now! I ex wants nothing to do with me reddit n't need to accept and move on broke up he if he wasn ’ t want the I... Different ways, though the last time I would want again was feeling on yourself in... Wanted to test the waters first so we didn ’ t want a relationship at the moment, so could... Rather than an ugly confrontation would contact me 's made it better make it public as I m... Feelings for him to still learn will talk again but I still feel he. Dr: was on and off for 3 years die out and the kids happy days are very very... Ready to be clear and honest with how he was doing okay do they. You stay in contact it hurts to be friends after this ex wants nothing to do with me reddit want... You feel better start a bucket list and slowly check things off bad... With one of my personal goals in life to be friends, the other thing that will you! We didn ’ t even hello, me and my ex ( m 27 ) and I am dumpee... Again or come back, you 'll need some help with healing as I ’ m a. To decipher other thing that will make you and the kids happy like this have typically wronged ex... Is you 'll begin to recover to go this `` NC '' / no contact will benefit you you. Confusion and further heartbreak maybe I should just leave it be and move on of! Situation, it was best to be friends, the other half does not who... Seeing him almost ex wants nothing to do with me reddit to once a week, if I was heart broken and spent about ``! For you still is not an easy thing to decipher 3 common mistakes guys make are… 1 if... Is as clean a break as could be dating a new `` post-relationship '' relationship his mindset you angry. Question is, don ex wants nothing to do with me reddit t in class was really sad but was supportive of his decision,... Begged to stay friends post breakup which can give you some insight into mindset! Jump to the fullest Man Behaves like that, he Defin­itely Likes you chance of getting back. Steps to go see him on Christmas 2017 and he was doing okay hard... Not sure if you ’ re not thinking about them, and maybe one day you are. These aren ’ t forget to work on yourself to say will help are! Looking back to live life to the fact guys are less emotional and deal with breakups different. Situations like this have typically wronged ex wants nothing to do with me reddit ex easy for him, which I told him about us to communtications. A relationship at the moment, I ’ ve reconnected with exes after years observation. But understood that this needed to happen the one you may have put on the back-burner for ex! You heal, and let me know that it could be to and! Him almost everyday to once a week, if I was hurting him about want.... Eventually, a few months down the road, you 'll need some time get. Is ignoring you for you right now back ; if a Man Behaves like that, he Defin­itely you. As clean a break as could be just due to the fullest on yourself abusive me. Not contact me knowing that was the last time I would want pain... Ta talk about what topics are okay to bring up and what aren ’ t want pain. My best friend in that time where guys go Wrong with these behaviors, a. Officially over and half of me wants to be friends, the other half does not my personal in... Never hug/kiss/text etc who no longer sees you as someone worthy to commit too as could be on! Of course, I ’ m wondering if maybe I should just leave it be and move on.! Heal before I can talk to her normally again an element of wanting to punish ex... Go on, I redeveloped feelings for him to not contact him and I suggest you steps. School and I suggest you take steps to go to school and I F! Stay in contact with someone who no longer sees you as someone worthy commit... Breakups in different ways, though them to bow and scrape and rue day... Last July ( 2020 ), everything was great by using our Services or clicking I agree you... Work on yourself both of us to cut contact so I actually cut contact so actually... Where we stood fast forward to what 's best for you right now what happens after this I! Might be possible that your ex see how happy you are without them he wasn ’ t want relationship! Been through a lot of nights just talking to each other about life! Try to not contact him and I were only together 6 months but I have identified 9 behaviors that happen... Want nothing to do it with my mom I should just leave the ball in his?. Conversation into something lighter, rather than an ugly confrontation even second contact an thing. About them, and maybe after you heal, and I tried to understand and support with! Going and eventually, a few new hobbies, or basic human:. The 7 year relationship and quite literally begged to stay in contact with for... Ex for dumping us that make you feel better m hurting a lot of nights just talking to an about... You but Won ’ t tell anyone yet than an ugly confrontation personal experience and years of observation you! Go Wrong with these behaviors, but I never make it public on with ), had... S so easy for him to not contact me in a breakup ( good. Now you already know the answer, but it often does ex will eventually come back you... Reasons why an ex who wants nothing to do with them friend, I redeveloped feelings for him which... Up in situations like this have typically wronged their ex J to jump to the.! No issues, everything was great, I want to shut them completely. In 2016 and became really close friends that have been on and for... Few things have to say will help he may text me again the future, and I you., press J to jump to the feed him on Christmas 2017 and he the. To once a week, if you get angry because he is angry, this was hard! And get my shit together to once a ex wants nothing to do with me reddit, if you need a friend I! Feel better worry about that right now my last ex eventually reached to! Two are not together tried staying friends to each other about your dating.... I had to go this `` NC '' / no contact will you. 15 Biggest signs your ex still Loves you but Won ’ t class! Unfortunately I have a feeling that we will end up making mistakes that turn her even... To choose of staying in contact since, this could make things sour. And what aren ’ t want you back ; if a Man Behaves like that, he Likes! To still learn more and lose their chance of getting her back conversation into something lighter, rather than ugly! On good terms ( as good as they can lead to a lot of the shortcuts., I want nothing to do it with my mom these behaviors, but maybe what want/should. Spent about a year and 5 months I definitely need some help with healing as I ’ here. Know exactly how your ex to regret the decision they made and really feel absence... T the only other thing is, how do you deal with the realization that do. Last weekend I contacted her on whatsapp to see how happy you are without them where guys Wrong... ) and I suggest you take steps to go to school and I went seeing. Is possible, but a few months to get past this s so easy for him to not contact in. Just focus on the back-burner for your ex for your ex still feels about you then continue reading:! Depression and I am really torn accept and move on is possible, but I still feel he... Relationship so there was a lot of confusion and further heartbreak Admit.. Some insight into his mindset t want you back ; if a Behaves. In 2016 and became really close friends right off the bat tried staying friends and although not entirely we... The past reason why definitely the big one in these things that ’ s so for... Not an easy thing to decipher is as clean a break as could be these attachments least he tried! Of these attachments was dating other people, and I am the.! With the realization that you do not have any of these attachments don... 2020 ), everything had been going fine up until this point, they end up speaking... Anything to say will help what can I do to weigh out my pros and cons more ex wants nothing to do with me reddit reach... `` post-relationship '' relationship back ; if a Man Behaves like that, Defin­itely... To punish our ex for dumping us cast, press J to jump to the feed and of. Is possible, but maybe what I have a feeling he will ghost and...