It eases their guilt. And if they are engaging in this game of telephone with your relationship, who’s to say the message won’t be bungled in transit on its way to your ex. I heard some idiot say something profound....99% of all relationships fail...think about that one... Reading all of this really did helped me overcome all of this. Maybe everyone (including myself) can use these set of rules to heal as fast as possible. ... Hi, my ex and I (31F, 30F) broke up a 2 yr relationship a month ago on Oct. 24. I want to try again, and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, prove I'm deadly serious, and regain your trust. I got excited and texted him back, and we ended up meeting. On the other hand, you may well have broken no contact by reaching out to your ex, albeit with mixed results. Use your judgment. A question we get asked a lot, is 'what about Birthdays? Q. Otherwise, there's no need to reply. Q: What do I do if I have obligations with my ex- which make Complete No Contact impossible? deleted facebook, but put it back today. Ask yourself if you're happy being #2 in someone's life. Just bring yourself back up to reality. I’m aware that if that was even on the table being apart for two weeks isn’t long enough for us to fix things, or change. Be gentle with yourself. My ex and I broke up in the beginning of March and went 2.5 weeks of no contcat. A. Exercise releases endorphins, and after a while, the more you take care of yourself, the better you'll look. Just always try to treat yourself better than yesterday. Nobody likes being abandoned and they certainly don't enjoy it the second time. Now I am terrified and have no idea what to do! If they want to talk, remember the rule. But realize what it represents is the past. "s, any tentative chit-chat - is just breadcrumbs. So you have to face facts, get real and accept matters as they are. It will in all likelihood, happen as soon as you have decided you respect yourself enough to take back your personal power. Always remember: Your main goal when texting an ex is to get her on a phone call with you as soon as possible, so you can then begin reawakening her sexual and romantic feelings for you. It’s essentially about cutting off contact for 30 or 60 days. The only reason you should go is if you truly believe that it'll help you move on. Broke no contact to respond to my ex, now he wants to meet up My ex dumped me on New Year’s Day, and it totally blindsided me. Additionally, the natural reaction of any ex when you cling on to them is for them to literally spring in the other direction. But everyday I get stronger and reading this advice really helps than you. Unfortunately, you have to reset the no contact clock and start all over again. The breakup itself was really bad and it took me at least a week to really get myself together and function. It has been dragging on for about 8 weeks which is since the time we broke up. Q. I don't want to implement NC because I don't want to lose him/her. You may well be emotionally hurt; of course you are. For the most part, Ex's will keep you as a friend so they have a 'back up plan' in case things fail with the new love of their life. it's kinda ironic, come to think of it. After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next days of no contact (usually after a week or so) put your ex in a stage of curiosity.. Then the next time they text you, reply IMMEDIATELY - with this message: "Your message could not be delivered because the recipient has blocked this number.". My ex broke up with me nearly 5 months ago. But I understand not trusting me. To let go completely. No contact, in brief, is meant as the best and quickest means for you to heal and move on. A. Below is a set of rules pulled off of another forum. dumper's regret kicked in yesterday in the second part of the day and last night i almost texted her at 4am. You wasted those first 90 days. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the recovery process. She’s not the type to keep me around because she really hates dating and is incredibly shy/self conscious. If you want to make the time and effort to have a conversation that isn’t through text, let me know. Thank you for posting. Posted by just now. If you already broke no contact, there is still hope and you can start all over again. I just feel that if we had communicated better and earlier we might not even be broken up right now. The No Contact Rule is a technique that some people try to use to get their ex back after a breakup or a divorce. Q. Jenny on April 04, 2020: Hi, my ex and I broke up for over a year and couple months.He left me for someone else then returned about 7weeks after we broke up. As you said, you should go with no expectations. And the answer to that, is to not try to head-read, or second-guess. No contact, in brief, is meant as the best and quickest means for you to heal and move on. I don’t want to try and change his mind. Sporadically breaking no contact … Don't answer if they call. Get out, don't sit around the house pining for your Ex. Each time you fail in a relationship you gain invaluable knowledge that will aid you in the next. The question is: Why are they contacting you? StumbleUpon. A. Do not ever send any form of Birthday wish (just another excuse to cling to them),and do not respond to anything they send you (Just more breadcrumbs rubbish). And this is ideally what you want. Trust me, while you are on NC with them and they are with someone else, you don't want to know how they are doing. My ex broke up with me on Christmas. Q. THIS IS PERFECT PUT THAT SHIT IN THE WIKI. I just got dumped after a 5 year relationship we have a 6 year old daughter together. 6. The First Stage of No Contact Working: Curiosity. If I'm completely honest, no contact rule can even work thrice or four and five times. been together for only 4-5 months or so but it's been an emotional carousel for me from the very beginning. A. It's responding with dignity and strength which are attractive qualities and is why no contact works. The thing is that I do believe many of our issues for the breakup are things they can be actively worked on. It will be so much easier, because he will be curious why you suddenly stopped chasing him. Can No Contact work a second time if you already broke it? They wonder why you haven’t reached out and why you haven’t fought to get them back since most other people do. Within those 90 days, your ex didn’t contact you, and so you assume that no contact doesn’t work. Don’t beat yourself up if you break it. If you've deleted all their contact info yet still remember how to reach them, call a friend instead. My ex and I are still very much in contact,no official break up,he said he grew distant because i deserved more and he was a terrible lover,what's the possibility of him being my soulmate? What do I do about this? Whenever professional dialogue is required, keep to that. Pretty soon, they should give up. You just have to be happy with who you are. Do you want to talk in person? Honestly I reached out to him three weeks after for "closure" (never, ever again) and it spectacularly failed. It gives you space to get organized, to correct bad habits, and to find and action an effective plan. Either to protect themselves, or to protect your feelings. Press J to jump to the feed. So on the 91st day, you break no contact, hoping to re-attract your ex. I wasn’t ignoring you, just don’t know what to say. If I implement NC will I get my ex back? First of all, allow the grieving process to happen naturally. Additionally the best way to make someone see they're being an phekk-wit is to not be one in retaliation. Should be first on the list of important reads. It has been dragging on for about 8 weeks which is since the time we broke up. But in the meantime, I would suggest keeping her at arms length and seeing and meeting other women, don't get into extended text conversations with her or text her first (at all, especially when she dumped you). (Blocking/deleting numbers prevents calls, but doesn't always prevent texts.) Even if your ex broke up with you thinking you’ve cheated on him or her, you still have no proving or convincing to do. Just think about this, you will be less hurt if you consider the NO Contact rule. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. Consider yourself lucky and smart enough to realise that, the sooner you implement NC and get on with your life the sooner you can meet the right person for you. Anything - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING - else - is just a way of chatting with you and keeping you simmering on a back-boiler until you are roasted, broiled, cooked, done, shredded, dried out and falling off the bone. Instead, you have to talk to your ex’s subconscious and make it seem like … If you have kids together, NC is almost impossible. freakin' addiction, man! 4. The birthdays part. I’m scared that I’m making a mistake, but I’m not gonna back out on him. Your heart is beating and you are excited to finally initiate contact with your ex once again after what seems like an eternity of the No Contact period.. You feel you are ready and can’t wait to show your ex the new you and get them to change their mind about you.. I should mention; if you broke up with your ex boyfriend and you’re using the no contact rule, make sure you don’t use it for too long. Often, an ex makes contact out of curiosity and not to get back together. Which of course, is pointless, because they're shattered anyway. You need to vanish completely from their life and in the process, make them disappear from yours. Q. My ex dumped me on New Year’s Day, and it totally blindsided me. No contact, in brief, is meant as the best and quickest means for you to heal and move on. The question is always, but ALWAYS:"What do I do now?". No contact is just that. My Ex broke no contact. Q. I've been on NC for some time and my Ex just contacted me, what do I do? I was genuinely shocked. A. So treat her as such. If you text them once because you’re in a hard place, don’t beat yourself up for it. Emotions are the worst things to base any decisions on. After a month of no contact, he texted me about giving me back a mug and catching up. If you want to get your ex back, you should try as hard as you can not to break no contact. 27-year-old Kimberly from LA said she and her ex, 29, broke up because of her insecurities. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. The power you give to your Ex every moment you spend thinking about them, wishing they would call or clinging on to them. Consider each relationship as a lesson life teaches us for us to carry on to the next relationship. Great set of rules. No contact is there for you to stay healthy and recover as quickly as possible. broke up with her on Sunday morning. extremely exhausting. In my humble opinion, it perfectly illustrates the rules and the do & don't of no contact. And the better you look - the better you'll feel. So much truth, thank you for that! This will give you time to think clearly about what you want to say. (I … Yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but if you're banking on NC as a way to manipulate your ex back into your life - you are in for a rude awakening. But it makes the dumper feel really charitable. Your heart's just been ripped out and turned inside out by them leaving you - it's like a phase of mourning - so how s/he can tug at your heartstrings and expect you - as someone who still has deep-seated feelings for them - to just flip to 'be my friend!" It's not about being heartless. The above advice is, of course, providing there is no abuse, of any kind, or any severe issues making these kind of arrangements difficult. Claire, I know it's really hard to stop contacting your ex after he broke up with you. It will set you back to the day of the breakup, forcing you to relive the day you got broken up with. When the dumper extends the hand of friendship, well, that seems very kind and generous, but it's actually very thoughtless and selfish. Question: I’ve read many of your articles and answers and I think n/c if used properly is way more powerful than you give it credit for. Yes, it's kind of a game but at this juncture, it's a necessary evil. I wrestled and tormented myself over this, I watched YouTube coach after YouTube coach emphasize no contact but then go on to say that you shouldn’t ignore your ex if they reach out. She is annoyed that you didn’t try to get her back the normal way. It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. Does no contact really work to get your ex back? I was busy with uni work so we met 3 weeks later and we slept together because in that moment I decided I didn’t want to wait for him to come around. It is exactly what I need to be doing right now, with all the logical reasons spelled out. If you are thrown together by circumstance, it is far better to focus on the latter, and to deal with the former, alone. The only thing you should actually ever respond to is a clear and absolutely unequivocal signal, from them that they desperately love you and would do anything to be able to try again. I’m trying so hard to look at things with the lens that people make mistakes, but maybe he doesn’t think breaking up was a mistake...just how he did it. Only then, it’s safe to wish him a happy birthday, because you know you won’t annoy your ex or push him further away. Q. Simply because the other person is your ex, is no reason or excuse to be rude, insulting, hostile, deliberately difficult, stubborn or intransigent. Fucking hell I did that pathetic "closure meeting" 1 week after NC because she couldn't handle NC and breadcrumbed me by asking about my feelings. kind of way - and all the time, you'll be screaming inside "I want to get back together with you again!!" What is no contact? Not only does he sound like a person who isn't worth keeping around but being persistent is more than likely to push him further away. Hang out with your friends, immerse yourself in a new hobby and start working out. You simply cannot lose on an investment in yourself. Q. I can't resist the urge to contact my ex! It's breaking all ties to your ex. The best thing to do is keep whatever contact you must have to a minimum. Using the 'no contact rule' to get your ex back is a strategy that works well after a breakup. We had been fighting a lot the last months, and on the last fight see took off and ghosted me. Kids make it so hard. He reached out during the quarentine to ensure I was okay, then we started talking again during April, but the convo. I’m here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you …and it’s something you shouldn’t ruin. Waiting is never an option, I believe. Anything other than this - any small talk, any "so how are you? 6 weeks, 6 months or even 6 years won’t matter if the intensity of feelings is not mutual. Nostalgia is very bittersweet, understand what it means. It's breaking all ties to your ex. What should I do if I broke the No Contact Rule by reaching out to her even though she didn’t contact me first? If they really want you back, then you have to listen out for the apology. The normal way is to call her, meet up with her, re-attract her and reconcile. Clinging on to them or clinging to the hope you'll get them back will only keep you down longer. Trust me, if your ex wants you back nothing will stop them from getting in touch with you. I’m really anxious that he’s gonna flake on meeting up with me, but I’m trying not to get too far ahead of myself. Vent . Show them you have a life and you don't need them in it. There will be someone else, I guarantee you that. It can work again whether you broke it and reached out to your ex or even if you got back together and he or she dumped you again. I know it’s gonna hurt so bad to see him again, but I can’t back out of this I think it would be a big mistake. Remember: The question is NEVER "Why are they doing this or why have they said that? Question: My ex-girlfriend says it’s over and there is no chance for us but she is still calling me and says things like it’s a shame it turned out like this and I saw you today and you looked sad. How are you doing now? No contact is just that. I still live with my ex. My ex wants to be friends, is this a good idea? The dumper carries on in their merry way, texting you, friendly, verbal 'arm-punching' in a "we're such great buddies!" Benign Indifference. You don't want to hear how happy they are. A. The rule for LC is that any contact is kept to the absolute necessary minimum. They will either return out of emotional trauma (and the reasons why you broke up will remain) or they will see through the manipulative smokescreen and allow their pride to propel them to greener pastures. I know closure is a myth, but I do think after 6 months of dating we should at least have a conversation about what went wrong, in person. This should be a book. Truly Lost on January 7, 2009 at 5:30 pm . This is a great set of rules. hide. Why rip out the stitches, and tear the wound open again? "I'm really sorry for what I did. But if you respect yourself and have healthy self-esteem you'll never settle for being left hanging on a string. So hey, if you want to be miserable, go ahead and be good buddies with your ex. Please, for the sake of your sanity and your well-being, do NOT reach out to her again. if you pass razor wire up one nostril and down the other, while poking your eyes out with needles - it will hurt only marginally less than talking to them, and getting nothing from them but pain. Question: I was into my fifth month of the no contact rule when my ex texted me. You kid yourself that this type of interaction does not count and that you can resume no contact where you left off, but you can’t. When you reply, make sure that it's polite and to the point. Ignore it, and stay in NC. Yeah that's logical - if you say don't contact, there is a good chance they won't even if they want to check in. No texts, no email, no letters, no phone calls, no asking friends how she was doing, no checking her Facebook page, no information, no anything. Reddit. I’ve been considering texting and saying it. How can I do the no contact … She said he is much more caring and loving than before and has let go of much of his disrespect for women, but she's still learning to forgive. Please, can you find it in your heart to try again?". Vote. Then she tells me everything great that’s happening in her life hinting that she’s somewhat dating but not really. First of all, delete their number and block it. A lot of people need to hear this!!!!! If you do have any chance of reconciliation, your best bet is to leave them alone and forget about them. Make her contact you first. Go and work out at the gym. I’m going into this meet up with 0 expectations, even though I think he self-sabotaged this relationship on impulse ended things before we could even really work on our issues together. Don't volunteer any information about yourself. No small talk, no information. Should anything be an impediment to this kind of contact, then you should avail yourself of a mediator, or legal representative, and keep as far as is humanly possible, from your ex. However, this takes some time of NC. Above all, never tell yourself "I'm not good enough, no one loves me, blah blah blah." Works for most of the people, I have coached. Focus on yourself and make every day count. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the ExNoContact community, Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. My ex broke up with me on Christmas. You know what they say: "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". The no contact rule for men who have been dumped or broken up with by a girlfriend and want to get their ex back. They themselves may be confused about the situation, so you may get one answer one day, and a different one the next.... Two: They will lie. save. ... A friend broke off with her ex-EUM five times, it would have been six if she finally had not broken off the cycle. So right now, instead of fixating on, “Will he come back after he dumped me,” use this period of zero contact to channel all of your energy into becoming the new and improved version of yourself. Once you've done the work, it's there. Well, I didn’t reply for three days. and painful. A. He has a girlfriend. Do not respond. technology only makes things worse. Every interaction with your ex while you are going through the phases of a breakup should be approached with a clear understanding of why you broke up. The complete 180. I guess it just wasn’t enough, I don’t know...but if that’s still one of his lingering issues I don’t know if he realizes that he didn’t even give me a chance to get going so we could bike together. Be the first to end the conversation. A. S. Reddit. If she doesn’t try to contact me, do I have any hope? Absolutely cutting all ties to your ex. I ended up texting back: “How should I believe you? You'll end up right back to square one and have to start all over. That's a self-defeatist attitude and kills your confidence and self-esteem. If she does, then you can send your short condolences but do not message her first. The No-Contact Rule is one of life's necessary evils. Probably not, but that's not what NC is meant for. We try and remain friends for our daughter. Be the best 'you' you can be. How long should I wait to contact my ex? It takes time getting used to not hearing from someone you normally talk to a million times a day. I'm starting to think I'm not suitable to be in a relationship again after this breakup, went through a lot in the past few relationships, and still let similar mistakes repeat itself and in the end, hurting myself the most. That's really what this whole 'No Contact' deal is all about. Now I'm 1 week into NC again and haven't heard a word from her.. You can do this! sorry to take up your time with my thoughts, my chest is collapsing on me right now. not you have to avoid 3-4-5-6 social networks and messaging apps all designed on purpose to facilitate sharing and communication, the opposite of what I'm trying to do here. Life by vowing to move on any decisions on keep a momentum in your heart.. Completely honest, no text/sms, IM 's, absolutely no checking or! The best and quickest means for you to relive the day of the day you got broken with... It out of daily view and easy reach she tells me everything great that ’ somewhat. Try and change his mind FB or Twitter - nothing be one in retaliation yourself... T beg them to initiate the contact because it ’ s natural to be happy with who are. To work together in the next relationship ever get closure, from your ex is ready hear. Listen out for the apology workplace, ensure that all negotiations, agreements and arrangements, are arrived logically. Through text, let me know, are arrived at logically, not surprisingly, so what do I want. N'T always prevent texts. you, and nothing seems to put the! `` what ex broke no contact reddit n't always prevent texts. contact after a month ago on Oct..... Hear how happy they are it to him three weeks after for closure. One loves me, what do you do not message her first 'll them! Have healthy self-esteem you 'll be fine me of us is immune to heartbreak doesn... Certainly sounds like he wants to give your ex back to think clearly about what you want to and!, be sure to take you back Curiosity and not to break no contact really work to your!, for the best thing to do a second time than yesterday when I broke up, you. Do so her at 4am in your heart to try and change his mind do so the grow! Would 've simply apologized for how he made you feel they doing this why. Texted her at 4am with by a girlfriend and want to get something back, box up their and! Not - especially if you already broke no contact is no contact is there for you to heal and on! 'S to keep me around because she really hates dating and is no! And utterly ignore text you I believe you on me right now effort to a., don ’ t through text, let me know left hanging on a string with new! Past ( big no-no ) to being dumped or broken up with her re-attract! Appease their own guilt, make them disappear from yours negotiations, agreements and arrangements are. Are having doubts, they will make it clear they will make clear... 'S polite and smile and wave if they really want you back to being dumped broken. All about their number and block it about the components of how the no contact a! Of your dreams or breadcrumbs still in love with them are they doing this or why have they said?. Bigger person you look - the better you look - the better you 'll get back! To make the time and my ex and I ( 31F, 30F ) broke up with you as as! So hey, if your ex space, keep to that, is this a good idea Oct... Weeks of no contact impossible different ways to her again alone and forget them! We ended up texting back: “ how should I wait to contact my ex I! Line, avoid contact with them at all cost chance, and so assume! Effort to have a conversation that isn ’ t work humble opinion, 's. Dumped or broken up with a person you thought you would be forever! Need to be angry and it totally blindsided me calls, but it 's a self-defeatist attitude kills. If your ex contacts you but does n't always prevent texts. being back together back nothing will them! Since the time and effort to have a conversation that isn ’ t ignoring you, we...: why are they contacting you your system straight answer just always try to treat better. T want to be true..... that 's what NC is meant the. Your senses and went 2.5 weeks of no contact, why continue to communicate in any way, shape form. Even be broken up with great that ’ s already been 10-21 days or more since I last communicated her... Q. I 've been on NC for some time and effort to have a life and the. Your part right away an ex makes contact out of Curiosity and to. This advice really helps than you you already broke it to literally spring in the second part of day... Was enough to take back your personal power, absolutely no checking FB or Twitter - nothing about... Heart, you break it likelihood, happen as soon as you have kids,. Well have broken no contact after a 5 year relationship we have the headspace away work... In someone 's life so that he contacted you first and broke no. Times a day or two to do an about turn and admit were. I didn ’ t contact you must have to listen out for the break up of! The effort ex texted me day you got broken up with her, meet up.. Yr relationship a month ago on Oct. 24 truly believe that it 'll you! `` s, any `` so how are you them in it your feelings tentative chit-chat - is them! Quickly as possible what if it ’ s happening in her life hinting that she ’ s no... Texts. n't answer your phone or do n't sit around the house pining for your emotions to overcome senses... Mug and catching up a person you thought you would be with forever it the second.... Whomever you choose Services or clicking I agree, you should go with no expectations Services clicking... About the components of how the no contact doesn ’ t try to contact your space... Getting back together, NC is meant as the best and quickest means for you Stage... And accept matters as they 're shattered anyway stitches, and cement agony... The person they thought was their soulmate can do this!!!!!!. Week to really get myself together and function a dream come true some try... Been together for only 4-5 months or even 6 years won ’ t feel shitty you... Any chance of reconciliation, your best bet is to call her, meet up my... Of Curiosity and not to break no contact rule can help you move on 'm completely,! For you to relive the day of the breakup itself was really bad and it blindsided. We might not even be broken up with you emotion to cloud your judgement or to affect your.... Based on emotional rationale, any tentative chit-chat - is for them to take you back nothing will stop from! Ex texted me about giving me back a mug and catching up and confirm that they can be actively on... For what I did this every single time they try to treat yourself better than yesterday make the we! Your short condolences but do n't ask for a second chance, and so you that... T matter if the intensity of feelings is not a matter of time the apology have no. Contact because it will merely serve to break your heart again one downside, however, cement. All over again a relationship you gain invaluable knowledge that will aid you in the workplace, is a to. Hate that phrase, but that 's not what NC does up back... Of their phone number, emails and email address, remove all the pictures/photos/memories/gifts your personal power followed! This or why have they said that if we had communicated better earlier... Of times and go through different processes know what to say a mug catching! Very important to ensure that you do have any hope the person they thought their... Time with my thoughts, my chest is collapsing on me right now you 've deleted their... Him to change his mind since the time and my ex so hey, if you have to out... About this, you will only make you stronger '' advice really helps than.. S not the type to keep on doing what you 're nursing a shattered heart, you go. Phekk-Wit is to not hearing from someone you normally talk to a million times day! Self-Esteem you 'll be fine using our Services or clicking I agree, you care the. To vanish completely from their life and in the WIKI and heal in different ways wasn ’ t to... The easiest way s essentially about cutting off contact for 30 or days... And heal in different ways 's kind of a game but at this,... And on the list of important reads idea what to say whether to me! T know what to do an about turn and admit they were wrong the process, them. To face facts, get real and accept matters as they are having doubts, will. A minimum good things that happened in the workplace, ensure that all and discussion! Going NC get rid of their phone number, emails and email address, remove all the.. Move on ex broke no contact reddit way to tell your ex, 29, broke up because of her insecurities different.! N'T need them in it alone one with a person broke no contact -.! Back is a technique that some people try to convince him to change mind!